I used to let people define me. It started as a kid. People would call me shy. So, I stuck with that label. I figured if others called me shy I must be shy. Then I started to see as I grew up what these and other labels that have been given to me by others are complete BULLSHIT. No one knows the journey I have been on not even my parents or people who called me their best friend. Even significant others who I shared my deepest hurts with still didn’t truly know me. Not one person can truly 100% know what you’ve been through, what you need and desire but YOU. People can support us and be there for us but they cannot define our lives even though some people try to. I learned that I am in fact not even shy. I love people and hearing their stories. I believe we all have some shyness in us in certain situations. I just believed the labels people tried to put on me when they were trying to “figure me out” or put me in some box so they can look superior for some reason. If you have goals and dreams you must have tunnel vision and block out all the negativity and labeling done by friends, family, and strangers. When you live your life on your own terms everything just gets better. Here are my top tips on gaining that tunnel vision to your path and your path alone.1) Don’t Ever Compare yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a big NO NO. As I said above you don’t know what a person is going through and you cannot know everything about them. People show us the best versions of us or sometimes even put masks on in front of others. We all go through things and most of us keep it to ourselves. Comparing yourself to others on social media is so easy to now-a-days. You need to discipline yourself to stop looking at social media content and comparing your situation to others. If you live your life trying to impress or surpass others you are living live for others not yourself. You are on your own journey and envision your path when you catch yourself looking at the path of others.
2) Call Out People Who Try to Label You. Now if someone calls me shy or any other label I make them explain why they think this. I do this so I can get feedback on how I appear to others and so that I can catch the fakes that are only trying to put me down or look superior. Because the fact that I am soft spoken and only talk to people on my terms does not mean I am shy or not. It means I am me and if someone wants to get to know me they can find out more and stop trying to define me as they really don’t know me. Don’t be afraid of confrontation. I always kept my mouth shut so I wouldn’t hurt the feelings of others but I said wait they really aren’t minding my feelings so I think I will stop being passive and deal with it here and now so I won’t regret calling those people out. And confronting people doesn’t have to be aggressive or rude it just means you may have to debate a little which is always a good thing because you always want to stick up for yourself.
3) Don’t Let Others Make You Feel Bad for Things that are Important to You. If something is important to you don’t ever let anyone diminish that. If you are passionate about something and people laugh at you or try to make you feel like what you are doing is ridiculous you must learn to again call people out and have your back or ignore them if it doesn’t affect your relationship or your values. Sometimes our own family and friends can make us feel inferior. Sometimes the things we love don’t relate to others and since they can’t understand it they make fun of it. Or if you are in a relationship with someone and they will not learn the things that are important to you, you may need to reevaluate the relationship you are in because you could be with the wrong person. The problem here and with people labeling you is that these people will always be there and will never change. This is the part where you must learn how to have your own back.
4) Have Your Back. Take time to meditate every day. Meditation is hardly being done by a lot of people and it is time we all try to make it a regular routine like brushing your teeth. It is important because meditating can bring your thoughts to a calm and collected place. It is a good time to get to know yourself and talk yourself through stressful times. During meditation, you can have intentions and whenever someone tries to make you feel inferior or you start comparing yourself to others go somewhere and meditate to bring yourself back to your intentions you set for yourself. You can also have certain mantras to say so you can say them to yourself whenever you can’t meditate. You know in the movie, Bad Boys where Martin Lawrence says, “wooossaahh” whenever he needs to calm his anger, that is the idea. It is funny in the movie but it is real and it helps. Below are some mantras you can use.
In conclusion, stay focused, calm, and collected. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Don’t worry about rocking the boat and never let anyone define you and your story. You are important and your story, dreams, and needs matter!